Colorful Quote 2

This Time I Dance!, Tama J. Kieves, pg. 28

Weekend Wonder 2

This weekend's Wonder pictures were taken in the Porter Square train station in Cambridge, MA. The top left and bottom left are permanent art installments above the station's looooooong escalators. Again, what amazing things there are to see if we just look up! The one on the right is a helpful graffiti reminder someone wrote on a temporary construction wall. Life does go on!

Feel Your Feelings

I’ve been really focused on feeling my feelings lately. I grew up in a family where strong feelings were subtly shunned. If you cried, you did it in private and if you happened to cry in front of someone else you said “I’m sorry!” over and over again until you stopped. It’s taken me a while, but I realize now how dangerous this has been for my mental, physical and spiritual health. Feelings are important and they are meant to be felt.

I bought a book recently (I’m always buying books!) called The Language of Emotions (Karla McLaren). I haven’t finished reading it yet, but it’s really making me think differently about feelings/emotions and how they are not inherently bad or good and each carry gifts of their own that you will miss out on if you don’t express them.

The most important takeaway I’ve gotten so far is that you can’t feel your feelings by reading a book; you have to put what you’ve read into practice. So I’ve been practicing this week. I want to get back to the connection to my emotions that I’m sure I had when I was a child. I want to just allow whatever I’m feeling to be ok to feel – no judgments, no censure.

And the funniest thing has been happening. When I felt my feelings, really let go and felt them and noticed how they made my body feel and what thoughts I was thinking to go along with them (with no self-censure or judgments), after a few minutes, the feelings got less intense and  then vanished. I was then left with a feeling of calm and clarity. If I had known that that would happen instead of the mental picture I carried of myself exploding from feeling anything too deeply I would have started embracing my feelings a long time ago!  

It’s amazing how many Americans have been taught to deny the full expression of their emotions. It’s amazing and sad. I now believe that you can’t censor one side of yourself without it affecting other elements of yourself from being expressed. It’s a lose-lose situation.  So, today I move forward noticing and practicing feeling my feelings. Like any new skill, practice makes perfect and I’m determined to get better at this day by day.

Colorful Quote 1

Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse, pg. 31

Weekend Wonder 1

Top Left: The things you see if you just look up! I saw this beautiful light fixture riding the escalator in a mall. Been going to this mall for years and I never noticed this gorgeousness until now.

Bottom Left: Club Monaco's front display made me literally stop and look. Those things hanging from strings behind the mannequins are white tea cups with their insides painted lovely yellows, greens and blues! How creative!

 

Right: I love little flower/plant patches and when I see these I'm reminded of the people who plant these one by one by one. What dedication for beauty!

Glee Check

"The First Snow, Kazan, Soviet Union, 1970" by Vladimir Zotov

Back in 2008, I had a personal trainer. During the winter season, she sent me a holiday card with the above photo on the front. I haven't been able to throw it away. You see the look on those kids faces? That's glee. I want that glee back in my everyday life. The type of glee where I can throw out my hands and tilt back my face and let the wonder of life just flow through me. Looking at this card reminds me of the glee that I had as a child and is a reminder to create more of those moments now.

I've been reading a book called One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way by Robert Maurer. If you've never heard of "kaizen" before, it's basically a Japanese word that symbolizes small steps towards continuous improvement. This book is really causing me to re-evaluate how I think about action. Before reading this book, I felt like goals required all or nothing effort which meant I almost always ended up with nothing (think New Year's Resolutions!). This kaizen way of thinking according to Dr. Maurer says that the smaller the step, the less likely you are to freak out and stop out of overwhelm and the more likely you are to reach your goal one baby step at a time. So in the spirit of kaizen, here are five very small steps that I can make now to help me experience more glee in my every day life.

1. Play one favorite song and dance full out the whole time the song plays
2. Hula hoop for one minute straight
3. Laugh for one minute a day (even if I have to force myself to get started)
4. Spend one minute closely observing a plant or flower or some other element of nature
5. Skip outside for 30 seconds

Those feel doable and I'm starting today. Anyone care to join me?

Making Things Happen 2012

As I mentioned in my previous post, earlier this month I attended a fabulous one day workshop called Making Things Happen. Making Things Happen is the brainchild of the even more fabulous Lara Casey and is intended to help people release the fears that are holding them back and live a more focused and fulfilled life. Emily Ley and Gina Zeidler more than rounded out the team as the three ladies led our small class through a day of exercises and honest sharing.

I don’t want to say that it was life changing because that sounds so cliché, but in some ways it did alter parts of my life for the better. I feel more focused on a day to day basis by putting into practice some of the tools that Lara implemented in her life like downloading and setting myself up for success by preparing for things in advance. I’m more aware of what I want more of in my life and what I want less of and how I can take steps to make that a reality. I have gained a whole group of friends who encourage me pretty much daily. I know that sounds strange as I only spent a day with them, but there is something to be said about the connection that happens between people when they are being totally honest and revealing. When you skip all the surface pleasantries and get straight to the heart, it’s very easy to feel close to someone you’ve just met.

I’m not going to give away all of the exercises of the day though. What I will do is share a few of the things that I walked out of that room with.

1.      It is very powerful to name your fears and even more powerful to do so in the presence of another. For so long, I thought that I would be too overwhelmed by even thinking of my fears so I distracted myself as best as I could thinking that they would go away. What I didn’t realize until now is that to keep them silent is to allow them to grow and get strong and “to name your fears is to destroy them” (thanks Lara!). I was giving my fears too much credit by tip toeing around them instead of shining a bright spotlight on them so that I could see them for what they really were. And if I was so afraid to even name my fears to myself, I was even more afraid (and ashamed) to name them in front of other people, especially people that I just met. But something totally different and unexpected happened. Instead of feeling judged and embarrassed, naming my fears in front of my workshop mates felt freeing and I felt so held and accepted. I felt like I was no longer alone and I wasn’t the only one struggling with certain issues. It has encouraged me to share my fears more often.

2.      The second thing I learned is that it’s ok to have wants and dreams and it’s important to know myself and know what I like and how I want my life to look and feel. I have all of those answers within me. For so long, I felt guilty for wanting anything. So guilty that I had convinced myself that I didn’t want anything. I now know that it’s ok to want things or experiences for my life and it pays to get very clear about those things and then take steps to make them happen. Just doing those exercises with the group that focused on what we wanted in life, for our day, etc. made me realize that I know way more about myself and my wants than I give myself credit for. If I just get still and get honest, all of the answers are there.

3.      And finally, I need to ignore the lie that says that I shouldn’t step out on faith and try new things because I’m not “good enough” or “special enough” or “won’t fit in.” Those lies are what almost stopped me from signing up to begin with. Well, they actually did stop me once. I had been stalking Lara’s blog for a while when Making Things Happen 2011 was announced and I didn’t feel like I was important enough or knew enough about myself to take advantage of it. So I missed the deadline and missed out on that opportunity. I was telling myself that I didn’t have a business, I didn’t know exactly what I wanted yet, I wasn’t cool enough and I wouldn’t belong. When 2012 rolled around, and I saw that the workshop was coming to Boston, I took that as a sign as I live a few towns over. I did my best to ignore the thoughts that plagued me the first time, took the leap and signed up. In the months leading up to the workshop, I still felt like I was going to be out of place and I wondered if I had made a mistake. To my delight, the opposite happened. When I got there, I more than fit in, I belonged and it proved to me that my thoughts are not the gospel truth. They are just thoughts and I don’t have to let them stop me from taking leaps that can change my life for the better.

I totally recommend Making Things Happen to anyone who is interested and is looking to push past fears and get a kick start on their life. To get a taste of Lara’s style and thus the style of the workshop, I suggest reading this blog post that started the whole thing. Please note that this workshop is not a magic transformation portal where you walk in a sad, scared person and come out on the other side a superhero. There is work involved, but it’s clear and simple (not easy) work and it is more than worth it!