Journey to Love: Care to Join Me?

If I let go and just wrote from the heart, I would tell you that I’ve been afraid to come back here and write another post. What do I share? How do I say it? Have I waited too long? Does what I think matter? Do I even matter? All of these thoughts flood my mind, making it even harder to write this all down. More and more I’m learning that successful living is not about being a perfect human being at all times or never failing. Successful living is really about allowing yourself to be who you are “warts and all.” Successful living is about turning away from the thoughts that say “I am not enough” and “I don’t deserve to be happy and loved.” Successful living is about saying yes to all those things that make your heart sing regardless of if anyone else gets it or not. Successful living is about touching the Divine in the midst of the human. I’m learning more and more that the ideal of perfection is not my friend. It’s a big heavy weight attached to my ankles weighing and slowing me down. Life is passing me by while I wait for that elusive day when I am good enough to give love to myself. Well that day is here. I am perfect with all of my imperfections now. I can love myself now. And it only takes me reminding myself of that fact day by day and minute by minute. That is all it really takes. Moment to moment reminders until the habit of self-love is deeply ingrained into my everyday existence. I wasn't sure before, but I now know that this journey is worth it, I am worth it. I may not feel that way all the time, but feeling is not fact. If I fall, I can bounce back. That is the grace of life. Each new moment is a new moment to change the course of your life forever. This is where true success lies. This is where real growth and learning is. Care to join me?

Colorful Quote 2

This Time I Dance!, Tama J. Kieves, pg. 28

Weekend Wonder 2

This weekend's Wonder pictures were taken in the Porter Square train station in Cambridge, MA. The top left and bottom left are permanent art installments above the station's looooooong escalators. Again, what amazing things there are to see if we just look up! The one on the right is a helpful graffiti reminder someone wrote on a temporary construction wall. Life does go on!

Feel Your Feelings

I’ve been really focused on feeling my feelings lately. I grew up in a family where strong feelings were subtly shunned. If you cried, you did it in private and if you happened to cry in front of someone else you said “I’m sorry!” over and over again until you stopped. It’s taken me a while, but I realize now how dangerous this has been for my mental, physical and spiritual health. Feelings are important and they are meant to be felt.

I bought a book recently (I’m always buying books!) called The Language of Emotions (Karla McLaren). I haven’t finished reading it yet, but it’s really making me think differently about feelings/emotions and how they are not inherently bad or good and each carry gifts of their own that you will miss out on if you don’t express them.

The most important takeaway I’ve gotten so far is that you can’t feel your feelings by reading a book; you have to put what you’ve read into practice. So I’ve been practicing this week. I want to get back to the connection to my emotions that I’m sure I had when I was a child. I want to just allow whatever I’m feeling to be ok to feel – no judgments, no censure.

And the funniest thing has been happening. When I felt my feelings, really let go and felt them and noticed how they made my body feel and what thoughts I was thinking to go along with them (with no self-censure or judgments), after a few minutes, the feelings got less intense and  then vanished. I was then left with a feeling of calm and clarity. If I had known that that would happen instead of the mental picture I carried of myself exploding from feeling anything too deeply I would have started embracing my feelings a long time ago!  

It’s amazing how many Americans have been taught to deny the full expression of their emotions. It’s amazing and sad. I now believe that you can’t censor one side of yourself without it affecting other elements of yourself from being expressed. It’s a lose-lose situation.  So, today I move forward noticing and practicing feeling my feelings. Like any new skill, practice makes perfect and I’m determined to get better at this day by day.

Colorful Quote 1

Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse, pg. 31

Weekend Wonder 1

Top Left: The things you see if you just look up! I saw this beautiful light fixture riding the escalator in a mall. Been going to this mall for years and I never noticed this gorgeousness until now.

Bottom Left: Club Monaco's front display made me literally stop and look. Those things hanging from strings behind the mannequins are white tea cups with their insides painted lovely yellows, greens and blues! How creative!

 

Right: I love little flower/plant patches and when I see these I'm reminded of the people who plant these one by one by one. What dedication for beauty!

Glee Check

"The First Snow, Kazan, Soviet Union, 1970" by Vladimir Zotov

Back in 2008, I had a personal trainer. During the winter season, she sent me a holiday card with the above photo on the front. I haven't been able to throw it away. You see the look on those kids faces? That's glee. I want that glee back in my everyday life. The type of glee where I can throw out my hands and tilt back my face and let the wonder of life just flow through me. Looking at this card reminds me of the glee that I had as a child and is a reminder to create more of those moments now.

I've been reading a book called One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way by Robert Maurer. If you've never heard of "kaizen" before, it's basically a Japanese word that symbolizes small steps towards continuous improvement. This book is really causing me to re-evaluate how I think about action. Before reading this book, I felt like goals required all or nothing effort which meant I almost always ended up with nothing (think New Year's Resolutions!). This kaizen way of thinking according to Dr. Maurer says that the smaller the step, the less likely you are to freak out and stop out of overwhelm and the more likely you are to reach your goal one baby step at a time. So in the spirit of kaizen, here are five very small steps that I can make now to help me experience more glee in my every day life.

1. Play one favorite song and dance full out the whole time the song plays
2. Hula hoop for one minute straight
3. Laugh for one minute a day (even if I have to force myself to get started)
4. Spend one minute closely observing a plant or flower or some other element of nature
5. Skip outside for 30 seconds

Those feel doable and I'm starting today. Anyone care to join me?